Friday and Saturday, we received the anticipated calls from our daughter. On both occasions, the conversation was civil. There was no crying or yelling, just her telling us about how a typical day went for her and what she had to eat.
On Sunday morning, while at church, our daughter called my wife and she stepped out of the church to take the call. Our daughter asked who of our family was at church with us. My wife shared with her who in our family had come to church with us and our plans for a fish fry afterwards. My wife also mentioned to her that a church member had told her to tell our daughter that he was asking how she was doing. My daughter immediately got upset. She said "does he know that I am in a Residential Care Facility"? My wife said yes, we aren't going to lie to people when they ask where you are. My wife also told her that just like she needs people to help her navigate her current situation, we too need people to help us navigate our current situation. She said that it was nobody’s business where she was and we had no business telling anyone. She became upset and said she had to go. My wife told her that she loved her and our daughter abruptly hung up.
We understand that our daughter doesn’t want people knowing her business. But we feel that it is important that we have people to seek prayer and wisdom from. We also feel that it is important not to bury our family's current situation and feel overwhelmed with isolation, on top of the other stress we feel.
My wife and I have been reading books on Borderline Personality Disorder and learning new things everyday. We have some follow up calls to make in the morning with the local therapist. We are compiling a list of questions to ask the therapist, prior to our daughter coming home. Some of the questions we have include:
- What things should we say, or not say upon her discharge?
- How should we resume daily activities in our home?
- How do we handle things if she should refuse to follow rules?
- Should we wipe the slate clean as far as some priveledges, or require her to earn them back?
We want her to understand that we will not tolerate screaming, yelling and chaos in our home. We are willing to work to validate her feelings, but we want to be able to discuss things in a civil manner. My wife and I are learning how to cope with BPD, so there will be a period of adjustment. We are willing to do all we can as parents to put into practice what we are learning and I know we will fail at times. We will need God to help us comprehend the information we discover related to BPD and to put it into practice.
Lord, we need your guidance. Help us to learn what we need to know to help our daughter. Help us to comprehend what we learn and use it to cope with our daughter's behavioral disorder. Lord, help us to think before we speak and consider our daughter's wellbeing when reacting to her behavior. Lord, give our daughter the desire to meet us in the middle as it pertains to opening the lines of communication. I thank you for the many blessing you have provided for my family. In Jesus name, Amen.