Mixed emotions

Now that our daughter has turned 16, we have 24 months until she turns 18 and leaves home. We know that she will most likely leave home as soon as she is of age. This presents two emotions for me. The first, is the anticipation that the last of my 5 children will become and adult and my wife and I will have new found freedom. We will be able to travel when we want to, and make decisions based only on what the two of us want to do. It also presents the emotion of fear. I am fearful that I have just 24 months for our daughter to develop safe habits, like taking her medication consistently. Just 24 months for her to realize the importance of thinking things through, before making impulsive decisions. I want her to realize that becoming an adult is exciting, but it also comes with great responsibility.

For me, it is a constant back and forth of emotions. Yes, I want to finally have all of my children out on their own succeeding in life. But, I have never had a child of mine with BPD become an adult with BPD. The fact that she will be able to stop taking her medication terrifies me. I wonder how drastically it would change her behavior if she stopped her medication abruptly? How much of her impulsive behaviors would come rushing back? Will they be far worse as an adult?

All I can do is pray, and ask God to keep His hand of protection on her. I want her to be successful and have a family one day. I want her to accomplish things in life that make her happy. I want her to have a lifetime of positive memories when she grows old.

Lord, please keep your hand of protection on my daughter. Help her to understand that we want what is best for her. Help her to become more responsible each day and develope good habits that will serve her well as an adult. Lord, protect her mind from the enemy and shield her from confusion. In Jesus name, Amen.