Emotional roller coaster

Emotional roller coaster

Today involved some phone calls to attorneys in Florida who assists families with getting Individual Education Plan evaluations. These are done by the local school district, but are more difficult to have completed for kids who are homeschooled. I also left a message for the school board director in Escambia County which is where my daughter is currently located. We received no call backs from any of the people we left messages for today.

At around 2 pm, my wife spoke with the social worker at the behavioral facility in Pensacola. We explained to the social worker about the difficulty we were having getting people to return our calls, as well as trouble seeking funding assistance to cover the high cost of the facilities. She then told my wife that the psychiatrist was scheduling a family session by telephone for Friday morning and that he had intended on discharging our daughter on Friday afternoon. This was a shock to us, the social worker said that our daughter would need to agree to specific rules to return home, such as taking her medication as directed, participating in counseling and following our rules in our home. We were filled with mixed emotions, yes we want her to come home, but we do not want her to attempt to hurt herself or runaway. We also don't want to be verbally abused and have outbursts of rage from her. There is also the fact that we need to make our home safe for our daughter and our other children. This was not much of a notice and we only learned of this new plan after we initiated a phone call to the social worker.

After the call, we began to think of what things still needed to be done prior to her coming home. We had already installed a home security system with motion detectors, door sensors and motion activated cameras around the property. We needed to ensure medication and knives were all secure, etc. Since we were originally told residential care was the next step we thought we had more time to prepare. We were very nervous at the thought of her coming home, but we were equally concerned that had she gone to a residential facility, she would have picked up even more bad habits and behavior in such a surrounding. Our heads were spinning, what if she attempts to hurt herself again, runs away, hurts one of our other children or hurts us? What do we do if her behavior is worse than it was before she left? We had a lot of question that we intended on asking the social worker and psychiatrist the next day.

At around 5 pm, we headed to church, as we do every Wednesday to have dinner and fellowship with our church family. We have been blessed with an amazing church family who has been right there beside us through this trial. After dinner, my wife and each head to our separate small groups until around 7:30 pm. When class was over, I found my wife standing by our vehicle waiting for me and she was very upset. She told me that our daughter had called her at 7:18 (when she knew we would be at church). My wife was excited to be getting a call from her and hoped she would say she missed us and was ready to come home, that was not the case. My daughter said she needed some more clothes, then she asked why we were considering residential care. My wife told her that we were to have a family meeting Friday and that if all went well, she would be discharged to come home. She then told my wife that she hated us and would not participate in any family counseling. She told my wife she was gay and no longer answered to her birth name. She said that she wanted nothing to do with us and abruptly said she had to go and hung up.

We were devastated, how could we possibly have her come home in 48 hours if she couldn't even speak with us on the phone? I would lose my mind if she came home and and ended up running away again, hurting herself, or both. She also said that she is tired of us always saying we are praying for her or that we will pray about things.

This is all like a nightmare and I wish it would end.

Lord, we need you desperately, give us strength. Lord visit my daughter as she sleeps tonight and remove all of the anger and hate from her heart. I ask that you would strip away all of the chaos and confusion the enemy has filled her mind with. Lord, rip through the facility where she is and set free the minds of all of the children there. Let the patients and nurses feel a mighty rushing wind move through the facility and allow the Holy Spirit to touch every heart and remove the scales from every eye. Lord, only you can resolve this situation. Please do a mighty work tonight. In Jesus name, Amen.